Hope in the Hopelessness!

I would like to share with you some things that God is revealing to me today through reflection over the last few years.  Before I begin, I want to inform you that I am not using any of the things I am about to share with you as an excuse for my actions, but as a reason in hopes that it can provide some understanding of how Christ uses hardships to reveal himself to us.

In 2007 Melissa and I made the decision to move to Virginia very quickly after we were married.  We did not see this as a chance to escape but as the best chance for us to be successful in our marriage and in life.  This was not received very well at the time, and I understand the reasons why even though I may not be able to fully comprehend the gravity of it, and this created some instantaneous tension between us.  Moving forward 2008 was a very difficult year for myself professionally at work.   My life was completely void of Christ even though I believed that I was a Christian.  Work was not going well at all it was extremely stressful.  Towards the middle of 2008 Melissa and I were fully involved in the divorce of a family member at the same time in late 2008 we found out Melissa was pregnant, as excited as we were, it was another stressor.  And the straw that broke the camel’s back was the fact that my parents were in dire straits.  They lost their home, and even moved into our basement for a time.  It is at this point I was in a full blown depression, and the Holy Spirit had no place in my life.  I didn’t recognize this, and kept on believing that the whole world was wrong and that everyone was against me.  I am sure you are aware but depression manifests itself in many different ways. 

During this time and all the way up to the beginning of 2011 I was in this depressed state.   This depressed state is known as Dysthymia.  It is defined as recurrent, mild depression.  It manifests itself in many different ways, and I would like to share some of the ways it affected me:

·         Easily Agitated – Short tempered

·         Reclusive or non communicative

·         Excessive sleep or sleep deprivation

·         Inability to control negative thoughts

These are the main symptoms that I experienced (at the time I was in denial of course).  The way I felt during those three years was that the world was against me.  It was like a roller coaster for me.  At times I felt that life was a game and I was on the sideline watching and no matter how much I wanted to participate I couldn’t.  I would lay in bed for hours at night replaying scenarios in my head and always ending up at the worst case scenario,  then I would wake up in the mornings completely exhausted and lethargic not wanting to do anything at all.  I recount countless times that Melissa and I would sit on the couch and not say one word to each other because I did not want to talk to her, and she was too afraid that I would get mad at her or blame her for something that was completely not her fault.  My wife is a strong person, because I do not know why she stayed married to me during that time, I blamed her for everything that was going wrong.  I can only Thank God for giving her the strength to stick it out with me. I believe that all of this fed into the tension that has come between you and myself.  

As a testament to the power and Grand design of our creator, two people were hired at Nielsen in the beginning of 2010: Andrew Novell and Thomas Ellis.  These two men were open about their Faith in the Father, and shared it.  Andrew and I shared a lot of similarities, but he provided a different perspective on life…the perspective through the filter of Christ.  Again I thought I was a Christian at this point.  Shortly after they hired in, Melissa convinced me to go to the doctor and He put me on medication.  I took it for about 6 or 7 months and it helped, but my thoughts were always hazy. As Andrew and Thomas continued sharing the Gospel with me,  In the middle of November I stopped taking the medication because of the haziness, and how it created some stomach issues.  That December I accepted Christ as my personal Savior and was baptized in January following our trip to Kansas in 2011. 

I am thankful that Christ put me in that scenario because through it He revealed His grace and himself to me.  Not knowing why Christ had us move to Virginia, in the beginning, I am now aware that it was for my salvation, and I now not only think but I KNOW that I will have a seat at the right hand of the Father in Heaven.  This life is temporary, and that His Grace is enough for my failures. As Ephesians 2:4-5 says… “ Because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” Ephesians 2:8 also says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” This is the best and only way I can explain the changes that have overcome me in the past year, it is the Holy Spirit dwelling inside and changing my heart…setting my mind on the things that please Him.  I continue to pray that Melissa sees this change in me as I do my best to love her more and more every day, and that we grow into Unity with Christ.

Christ is the Hope in the Hopelessness!

2 Corinthians 1:4

Giving for Equality

2 Corinthians 8:8-15 says: "I am not commanding you, but i want to test the sincerity of your love b y comparing it with the earnestness of other.  For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.  And here is my judgment about what is best for you in this matter.  Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so.  now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it,  according to your means.  For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does not have.  our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality.  At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need.  The goal is equality as it is written: "The one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little."

Christ has laid this on my heart, as we have failed miserably in our calling to give.  One thing God has really challenged me with is how and to whom we give.  I have been struggling with giving to the church.  We are to give to the church, however when we walk into church on Sunday morning to a coffee bar full of breakfast items and flat screen TVs, and a worship room full of band equipment, we are concerned with where the money God is commanding we give is going.  If we look outside our culture in other countries where a building for worship is nothing more than gathering under a tree or a pavilion like structure that offers little protection from the elements.  If you re-read verse 13 it says we should be giving for equality not that either side be suffering but that both sides are equal.  The other side of giving that God is challenging me with is this: Christianity is relational.. it's about a relationship with Christ,  It's about a relationship with the church, but when we give to the church we lose that relational aspect with those whom our offerings are meant to help.  I feel that if we are giving money to fill a need, but not following up with "teaching everything we know of the holy spirit," we are missing half of the puzzle and those that we give to are not any better off than when we started...keeping in mind that Christ is THE ONE who will change their heart, we ARE to make disciples, and walk relationally with the people God calls us to give to.  Finally, Christmas is over now and we all purchased gifts to give to each other.  This in and of itself is not a bad thing, i think the problem is when we associate the gift giving takes away from the Celebration of life that is Christ.  We live in a society that is driven by commercialism, sales tactics, and an internal desire to need things that we see on TV (ha --TV included) .  If we are showering each other with gifts doesn't that send the message that we are the important ones on that particular day?  It takes away from the true spirit...The Holy Spirit.  Again giving gifts is not a bad thing, but overshadowing the Greatest Gift of All with this stuff...is.  Besides, who defines what our holidays should look like...society...our parents?  I believe that we have a pre-conceived notion of what the "Holidays" are suppose to be, but I think that the "Holidays" need to be about the Spirit of Christ.  Without the Spirit of Christ dwelling within us... we are dead spiritually, and this life is only temporary.  So is it OK to give?  Definitely, but let's ensure it is Christ's working within us that is doing the Giving.

Christ's Love

I have been really challenged in my life lately with what God is teaching me.  I recently read a book by Francis Chan called Crazy Love, this was probably the most challenging thing that I have read since I began this journey with Christ.  In this book he talks about falling madly, deeply, intimately in love with God.  For me it was a little weird to think about falling intimately in love with God, but when I stopped and thought about it...why would He deserve a love that is any less than what I give my wife or my daughter.  Why would my Creator deserve for me to love my house and my security in my job more than Him. Christ deserves every ounce of love that I have to give.  I am discovering that this is what being a Christian is about.  Ephesians 2:8 says, "For it is by grace you are saved, through Faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God..."  This grace is the sacrifice of Jesus.  Who in His right mind would sentence His only son to death for me?Someone who loves me infinitely more than my mind could ever fathom! "For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten Son that whoever shall believe in Him shall have everlasting life." (John 3:16)  This picture of Love is something that we should strive to emulate in our daily lives.

This love should extend to those we interact with daily whether we know them or not.  Ephesians 5:21 says "Submit to one another out of Reverence for Christ."  This is how we show Christ that we love Him... by loving others, submitting to our own desires and putting others before us, in hopes that Christ will be made known..  Knowing myself (and my wife I am sure would not deny)  I am a self centered, self-serving being, and when I take this approach to life the people around me tend to suffer and endure "my wrath," and tend to return the favor as well.    This is the complete opposite of the picture that Jesus painted when he walked the Earth. Jesus even says it clear as day:

"This is my command: Love each other." (John 15:17).

1Peter 4:8 also says, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."

1 Corinthians 13:4, "Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."

 John 13:34, " A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

So currently I am praying that God gives me the strength, patience, and humility to put others before myself so that in that servant hood, His Glory may be revealed.

Thank You Lord for the Love you continually show me.  I pray that you provide me the humility to take on the role of a servant so that your Glory may be revealed to those around me. Amen!